findnewfriends.com - japanese pen pal

Menu

CREATIVITY

ORANG-UTANS LEARN to speak English. Consequently... Wearing a babel fish in the ear is no longer necessary. Orangs and lemmings play a macabre game, where heads really are chopped off. Hamfisted journalists constantly type Prangs, confusing former RAF pilots. Fashionable restaurants charge a fortune for plain jungle diets of nuts and berries (Kate Hardy) [8].

Genealogy software draws up family trees to include the great apes. Geneticists propose breeding orangs for spare parts for transplant surgery. Orang leaders counter-propose breeding humans for spare parts for orangs. War breaks out (Clair Hubble) [6]. The Orang Free State of Orang-Utangia emerges; TomThumbia is the first country to recognise it. Scholars discover that Shakespeare was one of a thousand orang-utans let loose on early Tudor typewriters. Blair agrees to having orang-utans in the House of Lords, anticipating that they will be anti-hunting (Mike Gifford) [5].

Tails prove useful for more than hanging from trees: pickpocketing, shoplifting, snaffling keys when banged up behind bars. Xenophobia rules as The Sun demands their tails be docked, as well as their wages (Di Wilson) [4]. The first thing they say is: "Stop feeding us bananas! We want burgers and beer!" The tables are turned at zoos as they taunt visiting schoolchildren. Demanding "take us to your leader!", they're puzzled when it's not Tarzan (Stuart Cooper) [3]. They perpetrate hoaxes, ruses and practical jokes, screeching in delight when the gullible fall for them. Uptight legislators deem this punishable speciesm (Ruth Abbott) [3].

They become expert bagpipe players, the pipes' mournful wailing perfectly expressing their angst at contact with civilisation (Tim Mason) [2]. Laconic Clint Eastwood is demoted to sidekick, as superior oratory sweeps Clyde in as mayor of Carmel (Ian Marquette) [1]. They produce the complete works of Desmond Morris instead of Shakespeare on typewriters (Ivor Gleek) [1]. Orang-utans join the police to show the longer arm of the law (Mike Richards) [1]. The Oxford English Dictionary recognises the word "oohaowoo" - frustration at losing a banana (Ian Macleod) [1].

Week 3: Scene-shifters, weightlifters and removals firms develop telekinetic powers and make moving heavy objects easy. What could go wrong? Ideas to CreativityColumn@hotmail.co.uk or Creativity, Features, The Independent, 191 Marsh Wall, London E14 9RS by Monday 10 Jan. Results: 18 Jan. 4 Jan: Teeth. 11 Jan: Penpals. Final Scores, Grand Prix XI: Di & Clair: joint winners with 65, Stuart: 63, Ruth & Kate: 60, Mike G: 52.

Copyright 2004 Independent Newspapers UK Limited
Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights Reserved.